The other day my daughter was playing basketball. I looked through the lense and began to study her face. I noticed how her smirk reminded me of her Dad, and how her eyes are mine. I noticed how she concentrated when she was about to throw the ball. I got close with my telephoto lense. She rarely lets me in that close, so this is a special occassion. I snap away. I get about forty pictures, out of that maybe two work. But they do work. It is part of the thread that weaves the story, that creates the history, that makes our lives. Our story. It is special. I want to hand our story down to both my daughter and son.
I was looking at my childhood photo album. In my photo album, most are pictures centered around my Grandmother's house. It was a giant house, set close to the beach. It had a big table that fits around 30 family members and it was always filled. Cousins, Uncles, Nieces and Nephews. Grandparents and Great Grandparents. Greek food, laughter and lots of family. That's where I come from. That is my story, the legacy that my parents gave me. The legacy that my Grandparents gave me. Family is my link to this world. It is a foundation that was built with hard work by my parents and family is part of my whole.
Maybe we don't have a traditional family anymore, Mom, Dad, Brother and Sister. But we do have wonderful Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and Grandparents. We do have a dining table and we have a camera. I can work on what made my childhood happy. I can work hard to give my kids sit down dinners and cousins and family. Maybe I need to take a few cooking lessons. I can do that. And maybe some photograhy lessons. That could be fun. Maybe meet some people. Maybe network.
If looking back is the only way we acknowledge who we are today, then giving children the gift of a photo gives them foundations of who they are. It's more than a photo, it's a document of a certain event that created a bit of childhood. It's about moments of fleeting fears, wonderful happiness, the best times of our lives. Put those memories in an scrapbook and create some of the strongest family foundations you'll be able to build.
Photos are documents of the time we spend here on earth. Photos are documents of a childhood short and precious. They are memories we choose to keep. So take a camera, spend time with your family and watch the memories unfold. Building strong foundations with a camera. A tool for family unity.
I just discovered Picasa from Google. It is a software program that is free and it organizes all of your photos that are stored in your computer in one central area. Picasa is invaluable for getting your family photos organized and ready to put in albums or for sharing.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
HEALING CHILDREN INSIDE - PICTURES TELL THE STORY
How do I go down deep inside my child and know all that weighs them down. All the pain and confusion and lost feelings inside? I don't know the answers. I claw and frantically try to dig the answers out, but only come up with air. Exposed, blank, cold air. It is my obsession to heal all the pain that my children have been exposed to. To protect and give our children their childhood. Like putting a dressing on an open wound. I can make that better. I can't seem to make this better.
But we can make it better. We only have to leave a part of yourself open for your children to visit whenever they need. I think we are like security blankets for our children when they are going through bad times. They look to us to see how we are handling things and they pattern their behavior to ours.
Art. It is a wonderful tool to healing children's wounds. Pictures tell the story.
I have discovered this wonderful thing called Sand Play. It is a type of therapy and it is a very moving, telling way for children to release what is hurting through play. They don't have to speak, because often they don't have the ability to fit the words to their feelings. But they do have the ability to put figures in the sand and tell stories. Sand Art allows them to explore very dark places without knowing they are there.
Basically, the therapist observes the children and guides them through their time when they put figures into a box. The figures- hundreds of figures that are sitting on shelves - are all types. They are soldiers, princesses, animals, ships, butterflies, fire, houses, etc. The children pick out maybe six or seven and then go to a small box with sand and create a theme in the box. It is amazing how this plays out. I was very unavailable to this at first. But then I saw - and I believe.
The children and I did a family box the other night. We each picked six figures and shared ideas about how we were going to build our box. My pieces were a ship, a butterly, a raccoon with her cub and a giant dog who sat observing. Interesting choices! I also picked the planet Earth. How this came out in the sand was my butterly sat on the ship. Planet Earth resided close by. This clearly meant that I wanted to take my family on a journey and free them. The raccoon and her cub sat next to my daughters wishing well. My daughter had this wild cheerleader waving her pom poms. Look at Me!!! See Me!! See Me!! My Son had two houses, each one facing each other. One had fire in front. The other had a fire truck inside. My ex husband is a volunteer firefighter. There was a road leading back and forth to each house. We live in two houses. One is happy, the other - not so great. We shared feelings in a very unconventional way. I think that my children saw that I was willing to get in their place and do this with them. It was a great step forward for us all.
Children don't talk about bad things happening to them. They just don't know who is safe and how to express themselves. We talk and have support. We cry and take prescriptions to deal with our pain. Can you imagine all that pain and nowhere to go. They become damaged if they don't heal the right way. Art and Sand Play and all the familiar things children know in their little world is a great way to reach their wounds, dress them, and heal them.
But we can make it better. We only have to leave a part of yourself open for your children to visit whenever they need. I think we are like security blankets for our children when they are going through bad times. They look to us to see how we are handling things and they pattern their behavior to ours.
Art. It is a wonderful tool to healing children's wounds. Pictures tell the story.
I have discovered this wonderful thing called Sand Play. It is a type of therapy and it is a very moving, telling way for children to release what is hurting through play. They don't have to speak, because often they don't have the ability to fit the words to their feelings. But they do have the ability to put figures in the sand and tell stories. Sand Art allows them to explore very dark places without knowing they are there.
Basically, the therapist observes the children and guides them through their time when they put figures into a box. The figures- hundreds of figures that are sitting on shelves - are all types. They are soldiers, princesses, animals, ships, butterflies, fire, houses, etc. The children pick out maybe six or seven and then go to a small box with sand and create a theme in the box. It is amazing how this plays out. I was very unavailable to this at first. But then I saw - and I believe.
The children and I did a family box the other night. We each picked six figures and shared ideas about how we were going to build our box. My pieces were a ship, a butterly, a raccoon with her cub and a giant dog who sat observing. Interesting choices! I also picked the planet Earth. How this came out in the sand was my butterly sat on the ship. Planet Earth resided close by. This clearly meant that I wanted to take my family on a journey and free them. The raccoon and her cub sat next to my daughters wishing well. My daughter had this wild cheerleader waving her pom poms. Look at Me!!! See Me!! See Me!! My Son had two houses, each one facing each other. One had fire in front. The other had a fire truck inside. My ex husband is a volunteer firefighter. There was a road leading back and forth to each house. We live in two houses. One is happy, the other - not so great. We shared feelings in a very unconventional way. I think that my children saw that I was willing to get in their place and do this with them. It was a great step forward for us all.
Children don't talk about bad things happening to them. They just don't know who is safe and how to express themselves. We talk and have support. We cry and take prescriptions to deal with our pain. Can you imagine all that pain and nowhere to go. They become damaged if they don't heal the right way. Art and Sand Play and all the familiar things children know in their little world is a great way to reach their wounds, dress them, and heal them.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Sharing Children - the hardest part of divorce.
The comedy of children. It comes in vast waves, but you have to know how to find it.
Yesterday, as I was giving my little guy some milk - the milk that cost me $5.00 to buy because I was too lazy to run to the food shop after the deli- my son vomited right in my face. The milk I fed him was spoiled. It gets funnier because you have to know that when I went to the store to buy the milk, I ran out and locked the door. So now I get back to the house with 10 minutes to pick up - the door is locked shut. I go get a key - no easy task - get in the house, get the sippy cup and fill it with spoiled milk and just make the bell. So after the vomit, I think, "Oh well, never fear, I'll just run out in the morning and buy more milk after school drop off." Well, who would have thought - major snowstorm. My son is beyond bellowing by now - basically flat out on the floor in a hissy and we are not going anywhere for a very long time. My four year old has just informed me that I am fired.
I find this funny. I do. Because after I cursed at myself for locking the door, and after I washed my face off, I remembered thinking I was really happy. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I felt happy. Happy? Yes - because my boy is with me today. Tomorrow, he'll be with his dad, but today, I get this moment. I'll remember this moment for a long time.
My little girl is the constant in our lives. She keeps us glued. She is very wise and she has less of these crazy moments. But I get a lot of holding from her, a lot of conversation, and a lot of stability.
Tomorrow, she'll be with her dad, but today I get to hold her hand. I now cherish the moments I have. I look at these moments in halves now. And I think I love my children with so much more definition, more intensity -just more - than I ever did.
Sharing my children was the hardest thing I had to face when this divorce began. I sobbed for some time and walked the house in my bathrobe. But then I realized something amazing. I don't have time to feel bad. Now, when I have my kids, they are golden days. I don't have those moments anymore when I need time away. Yes it is hard, but the pity part goes away because time is ticking.
The moments may be cut in half, but those halves are what makes my heart whole.
Keep the faith. If you think positive, you get positive.
Yesterday, as I was giving my little guy some milk - the milk that cost me $5.00 to buy because I was too lazy to run to the food shop after the deli- my son vomited right in my face. The milk I fed him was spoiled. It gets funnier because you have to know that when I went to the store to buy the milk, I ran out and locked the door. So now I get back to the house with 10 minutes to pick up - the door is locked shut. I go get a key - no easy task - get in the house, get the sippy cup and fill it with spoiled milk and just make the bell. So after the vomit, I think, "Oh well, never fear, I'll just run out in the morning and buy more milk after school drop off." Well, who would have thought - major snowstorm. My son is beyond bellowing by now - basically flat out on the floor in a hissy and we are not going anywhere for a very long time. My four year old has just informed me that I am fired.
I find this funny. I do. Because after I cursed at myself for locking the door, and after I washed my face off, I remembered thinking I was really happy. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I felt happy. Happy? Yes - because my boy is with me today. Tomorrow, he'll be with his dad, but today, I get this moment. I'll remember this moment for a long time.
My little girl is the constant in our lives. She keeps us glued. She is very wise and she has less of these crazy moments. But I get a lot of holding from her, a lot of conversation, and a lot of stability.
Tomorrow, she'll be with her dad, but today I get to hold her hand. I now cherish the moments I have. I look at these moments in halves now. And I think I love my children with so much more definition, more intensity -just more - than I ever did.
Sharing my children was the hardest thing I had to face when this divorce began. I sobbed for some time and walked the house in my bathrobe. But then I realized something amazing. I don't have time to feel bad. Now, when I have my kids, they are golden days. I don't have those moments anymore when I need time away. Yes it is hard, but the pity part goes away because time is ticking.
The moments may be cut in half, but those halves are what makes my heart whole.
Keep the faith. If you think positive, you get positive.
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